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. you know, the good stuff!"Oh Hell, she came out swinging, and I wondered why I ever imagined this was a good idea. I was hoping for something like "Favorite Hostess snack cake?" "But honesty is the best policy," words never said by a male the history of time, so I began my sad tale. "Her name was Zoey, and it lasted two tumultuous years." Now, why did it end?" She continued the interrogation, rubbing her hands together in joyful anticipation. Slipping into my patented delaying tactic, I hopped out of bed to make our brunch, a Spam and sausage gravy Hot Pocket. Returning to her, she glanced first at the steaming entree then at me and in her cheesiest British accent bellowed, "But I don't like Spam (knowing all too well that any Python reference reduced me to Silly Putty in her hands.) Then for the next thirty minutes, we discussed how a Hot Pocket could be scalding hot on each end but yet be as frozen as Trump's heart in the center. We reached no viable explanation."So...why did. "Then I noticed my hands slimming and my fingernails growing. Each nailturned bright pink like my toes and stopped at about two inches long. I evenremember seeing little heart decals on each thumbnail."Just then I felt the tingle crawling up my neck, higher and higher and thencovering my face. I looked at the mirror on my dresser in front of me andwatched as my lips puffed out, my nose shrank, and my eyelashes grew longer.Just as the tingle hit the top of my head, my hair suddenly turned goldenblonde and grew out of my head until it cascaded over my shoulders and chest."When I glanced down at my new hair, I noticed I was no longer wearing myboxers and shirt. In their place I had a pair of silk panties and afull-coverage bra that held my boobs up"and pushed them together. I said,'Wow,'"That was a shock, I could speak again! I could move too, and I lifted myknees up and rubbed my silky smooth legs together. It felt wonderful. I satup and turned to step off the bed, and as my bare feet.
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